How to describe things

This week for her homework, our younger daughter has to write a description of a family member using lots of different adjectives.  

This reminded me of something I've been wanting to do with our girls for a while, which is to help them get better at describing things, by increasing their vocabulary.

Have you ever wished your kids could describe things to you better?  The main example I can think of here is when they are unwell and you try to get more details of what is wrong.

 "My tummy hurts,"  is one we get sometimes, and it could be a case of nerves (butterflies in the tummy), or feeling nauseous, or wind.... Pain is definitely something I would like my kids to be able to describe better to me.  But to be better at describing things in general would be not just a help to me as a parent in understanding their needs, but it is an important skill for kids to learn.

In order to describe things well, having a rich bank of adjectives to choose from is vital.  So how can we help our kids learn and use lots of adjectives?

Well first and foremost they need the vocabulary to choose from, so brainstorming adjectives they know is a great place to start.  But to make it easier, you can give them categories or groups to put the words into.

So here are some examples:

Colour :         red, green, pink, silver...

Sound  :         noisy, quiet, whispering, deafening...

Shape  :         round, curved, straight, deep....

Appearance : beautiful, plain, ugly, fancy...

Size  :             large, tiny, tall, fat, enormous..

(If you need more ideas for categories or lists of adjectives there's a great page here.)

It is good to have these lists somewhere handy, so the kids can add to them as they think of and learn more words.

Then once they have a bank of words to use, you can play games with them to practise.

One game is to describe something using the adjectives and the other person has to guess what it is. You can choose a theme, such as 'animals'.

So for example :

This animal is large, it looks cute, but can be dangerous. It is very strong. It's furry and white.       

A polar bear.

Another game would be to pick and adjective, then you have to find something that this adjective describes.

For example - 'funny', and perhaps go and find a joke book.

I also found a neat game (read all about it adjectives game) on a BBC website for primary age kids to practice using adjectives. They can either read sentences and match the descriptions to the pictures, or add their own suitable adjectives to describe pictures! 

Are your kids good at describing things? Or do you have any other ideas for ways to practice using adjectives?

Praising your kids

In last weekend's paper, I read an article entitled, "What's all the fuss about Praise?".  I also found an online copy of this article here.  

The article talks about how important it is to praise your child in just the right way because it's going to affect how they cope with experiences in the future.

Over praising

"Simply speaking, telling them they’re wonderful and 

patting them on the head won’t cut it and could be just as 

bad as being critical, some experts believe. "

The article talks about how important it is to praise your child in just the right way because it's going to affect how they cope with experiences in the future. I agree completely that how you speak to your child, how you praise them, discipline them, teach them etc all shapes the kind of person they will grow up to be.

However, the suggestions given in this article are not something I agree with.  For example, 

"One of the research leaders, Stanford psychology professor

 Carol Dweck, explains: “[Saying] ‘You’re great, you’re 

amazing’ – that isn’t helpful. Because later on, when they 

don’t get it right or don’t do it perfectly, they’ll think they’re 

not so great or amazing. "

I'm all for telling kids they are amazing and wonderful when they do achieve something. Success deserves praise and kids thrive on praise.

To avoid praising them too much when they succeed, just because they might not be able to cope if they fail is not the way to look at things.  Everyone is going to go through both successes and failures. We need to teach our kids to cope with those failures, but not at the expense of celebrating their achievements.

Our family celebrates every success, and achievement our kids make. We make a fuss of them, praise and reward them.  I believe this is extremely important to encourage children to always strive to do their best and achieve their goals and clearly show that there is a benefit and reward in doing so.

Kids need to learn how to deal with failures

To help them cope with failures, we need to sympathise, and encourage them to keep on trying, to not give up.  We should focus on the positives, the fact that they tried hard, and although they may not have achieved what they were trying to this time, show them what they can learn from this and use it to keep on trying.

Thomas Edison (inventor of the light bulb) is a great example to use,

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

Thomas A. Edison

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” 

Thomas A. Edison

Children need to experience failure to learn how to deal with it, and how to pick themselves up and carry on.  

Suggested praise

Some suggestions are given at the end of the article as to what is deemed to be effective and what is ineffective praise. For example:

(ineffective) Too reward-focused: “You caught the ball, Libby – you deserve a star.” 

(effective) Acknowledges effort and feelings: “You tried to catch the ball three times, Libby. You seem pleased that you did so well.” 

I disagree completely with this.

If a child tries to catch a ball and succeeds, then they deserve praise for the fact that they caught the ball - not wishy washy encouragement that they tried hard without the acknowledgement of their success.

If parents praise their kids in the way suggested in this article, then I believe it will result in children who lack the motivation to strive to achieve.  Why would children set their sights high and try to better themselves, when they are taught there is no more reward for that, than just doing the bare minimum.

In my opinion, achievements and successes both small and large should be shouted about and celebrated with gusto. Failures are something that happens to us all, and is part of growing and learning. They are stepping stones towards the successes and achievements we should all be striving for.

What do you think?

How do you praise your children?

Do you think sometimes parents 'over-praise' their kids?

Does smoking make you a bad parent?

I just stumbled across this article on Mail Online, with the title, "Does smoking make you a bad parent?". Quite a provocative title and it certainly produced a lot of comments and discussion.

The article speaks about research that asked smokers the lengths they have gone to, in order to fund their smoking addiction.  Some people admitted to having done things like bought their kids fewer Christmas presents, cut back on their kids treats, not allowed them to join school trips, and even stolen from their own kids money boxes in order to be able to afford to buy cigarettes.

Mostly the article is talking about the financial strain of sustaining a smoking habit and how that affects kids of low income smokers.

However, the article also mentioned that some people also admitted to

"engaging in reckless and even dishonest behaviour to fund the habit."

This is a larger issue, when a parent goes down this track, the effects on their children can be far more damaging than missing out on treats or presents.

Then there is the issue of passive smoking. Kids whose parents smoke are far more likely than kids from non-smoking families to be exposed to cigarette smoke and the potential health threats it poses.

What do kids think?

I think it would be interesting to ask kids themselves how they feel about their parents smoking.  From my own experience,  when I was very young, my granny used to smoke.  All I can remember about this, is that she used to let me open the cellophane wrapping on the packets.  She quit smoking when I was very young, and told me when I was older that the thing that made her quit was my brother telling her that she smelled bad!  

Setting an example

Although personally I don't smoke and don't like the habit, I wouldn't say that smoking necessarily makes people bad parents. Selfish maybe, or weak perhaps?

 I think that as parents we have a responsibility to set a good example for our kids to follow.  Most parents, if not all, do things that are not necessarily good for us, and a good example to our children;  like eating fatty or sugary foods, not exercising enough or drinking alcohol.  But the problem occurs when it our actions effect other people, whether directly through passive smoke inhalation, or indirectly through drunken behaviour or perhaps obesity that may require outside care or the person, or influencing our children's behaviour and future habits.

As parents, we have a huge influence on our children's behaviours, particularly when they are very young.  There is plenty of research that shows kids whose parents smoke are more likely to smoke themselves than those whose parents don't smoke. 

"Siblings and parents are role models for children. If a 

child’s parents smoke they are three times more likely to 

smoke themselves."

(Source: http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-info/healthyliving/smokingandtobacco/childrenandsmoking/smoking-and-cancer-children-and-smoking)

Junk food - an equally bad parenting issue

Over the past few years, obesity has become a very prominent issue in our society in terms of the medical effects on the population.

So, talking in terms of bad parenting. 

Does feeding your kids junk food make you a bad parent?  

Ok, perhaps this is different from smoking as smoking is a habit, junk food is not necessarily a habit. 

Our family has junk food here and there in our diets, our kids eat sweets, drink coke and get fast food, but as an exception, not a rule.   

 If that was what we were feeding our kids every day, then yes, I would say that would make us bad parents. That would mean we were having a directly negative effect on our kids health - in the same way that a parent smoking could be seen as having a directly negative effect on their children - through passive smoking, or the psychological long term influence this may have on their habits.

Whether it is smoking, eating junk food, drinking alcohol or some other 'bad habit', parents need to be mindful of the effect their actions can have on their kids.  

What do you think?

Do you smoke? 

Did your parents smoke?  

Should everyone quit smoking when they become parents?

Does feeding your kids junk food every day make you a bad parent too?

Skip-It

Did you have one of these toys as a child?  This type was originally released in the 1980s. 

You put your foot through the plastic hoop then spin the ball around in circles, skipping over it with the other foot.

But they were not the first of their kind. In the 1960s similar toys

were released - like the Lemon Twist - which was a plastic lemon on the end of the rope. 

This toy was even named on Time magazines list of 

All Time 100 Greatest Toys.

Different versions have been released - including ones that count your skips and make noises - see this commercial from the 1990s!

Our daughter has one of these toys now, and loves to play with it! I tried it too, and with a bit of practice and some bruised ankles, found it relatively easy and fun!
They're a great toy for getting your kids active,  helping them with their coordination and general fitness.
Do your kids have one? Did you have one as a kid?

Learning Hiragana (Basic Japanese writing)

One year, I decided to help my eldest daughter achieve her goal of learning all her Japanese Hiragana symbols.  Both our girls study Japanese at school, and I asked our younger daughter if she would like to learn too - even though she won't study them at school until next year.  She said she would - so I looked into how I could help both girls with this.

I found a few resources online and downloaded some hiragana practice writing sheets for the girls to use.

Each day for the past couple of weeks we've been spending just a

few minutes looking at some symbols - mnemonics to help remember the shape, how to write them, and practice recognising them.  As it's only a few minutes at a time, and they can do it together, they are both enjoying this so far.

I also decided to make some cards to help them. Some shown in the photos above - with the Japanese symbol on one side, and the equivalent 'English' sound on the other side.  These cards they can pick up any time to practice by themselves or with each other.

I'm also making up a memory game as I did for all their times tables. This proved very successful in helping them learn their tables and they love playing the game - which helps immensely! 

(the templates for the times tables memory games come with my free ebook about teaching your kids times tables - free to all Be Our Best Subscribers - click here, or see the link in the sidebar!)

Now we just have to stick to this learning plan - just a few minutes each day and the girls should soon pick up the symbols, then we have to find fun ways to continue practising them regularly so that they remember them!

Do your kids learn languages at school? Do you help them?  Are their any good resources you have found to do this?

Triathlons for kids

This year our girls took part in the local Ironkids triathlon for the second time.  

Here in Cairns each year we have an adventure festival which features an international Ironman competition. There are also lots of smaller events for all ages and levels to join in - one of which is this kids triathlon.

Kids aged 7 to 13 can join in and do a short swim, bike and run - finishing by running down the official Ironman finishers chute and receiving an impressive looking medal.

Our girls were in the younger age group, so swam 50m - in the lagoon, which is very shallow and the kids could have almost walked the whole way, and there were also lifeguards there to assist if need be. Then they biked 1km up and down the esplanade, and finally ran 500m.

It was set up like a proper triathlon, with their bikes 'racked' in transition with helmets, trainers and shorts set up ready to put on after the swim, and plenty of officials all along the route to help the kids if need be.

Our girls loved this event last year and again just as much this year. It's non competitive, they set the kids off in groups of about 7, it's not timed and you can see on the faces of every kid that does it how much fun they have.  

Some parents and kids were nervous before their first time, thinking maybe it would be too hard or far for the kids to manage, but afterwards nobody had any such reservations.

If you think back to what you were doing yourself at that age, when just playing.  I know my friends and I were biking and running around the local area - far more than those distances. We also used to go swimming lots at the local pool and in lakes or the sea on holidays. So this triathlon is certainly not too much to expect from kids this age.

I think it's a great opportunity for kids to try out a sport in a fun environment - and the atmosphere makes for a very exciting day for all!

Have your kids ever participated in a large sporting event like this - perhaps a short fun run?  Do you think it's a good thing for young kids to do?

A Positive Attitude

Monday morning blues

How do you usually feel on Monday mornings?  Many people feel sad, grumpy, apathetic and generally negative when the fun weekend ends and the working week begins. Kids are not immune to this. Often when we arrive at school on Monday mornings, I see many kids - both mine and others with long faces saying "I'm tired".

The Boomtown Rats even wrote a song about the Monday feeling -

"I don't like Mondays"

Positive attitude is the key

If you start your day with a negative attitude, it doesn't bode well for how you are going to feel for the rest of the day.  

One thing I tell our girls when they are grumpy, is that they always have a choice.  They may not always be able to choose the activity they are doing, but they do have a choice as to whether or not to be happy and enjoy it. It's all a frame of mind.  Kids may not have the choice as to whether or not they go to school, but they can choose to find the fun and make the most of it!

The challenge

I decided to set my girls a challenge one week. The challenge was to not make any negative comments at all during the week.  They were to start out with $5, and every negative comment I heard them make, they would lose 20c from that $5.  

I wanted to show them the importance of a positive attitude and how much nicer it is for yourself and everyone around you when you don't moan and groan!

We started our challenge on a Monday morning - and I decided to play them a song in the car on the way to school to start the week off in the right way:

Always look on the bright side of life - by Eric Idle of Monty Python fame!

They loved this song and asked for it every morning that week - and often since then! We also tried to find other happy and bouncy songs to play in the car when we were driving places, which helped keep our spirits up.

It was a great experiment to do with the girls - and it really made them aware of  the negative comments that they make without thinking and also that other people make.

I have to admit that the first week we tried this - the girls money did drop down with some negative comments here and there. They were very conscious of this - and the fact that the comments they made were often said without particularly thinking - they were just habitual comments - and not a good habit!  Frustrated with the dwindling money - our eldest daughter wanted to start over again - and when I said no, she should just try to stay positive for the rest of the week, she then said as many negative comments as she could over and over again until she'd used up all her money!!  The money wasn't the issue - it was just that she wanted to do it right!

So - I agreed that they could start over the next week - and would you believe they both managed to go the whole week with no negative comments at all! It was such a good week, everyone was happy, positive and enjoyed themselves!

Reflections

Bribing my kids to be happy may seem a bit extreme - but it was a one off fun thing to do. They are generally positive thinkers, but it served to make them aware of how often we are negative without realising and the effect that this can have on ourselves and others.

I strongly believe in the importance of a positive attitude, and the difference that can make to your life.

Positivity breeds happiness and that is really what it is all about.

Here's a couple more quotes - just to get you smiling!

"Smile and the world smiles with you.

Cry and you cry alone." 

- Stanley Gordon West

"Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it."

- Author Unknown

Are you and your kids positive thinkers?

French knitting

At the beginning of this year, I began to learn to crochet with my younger daughter. She has enjoyed learning and likes to pick up the wool and hook and make endless chain bracelets and necklaces!

She's getting better and holding and manipulating the hook and wool, and even managed to make a little stuffed monster!

Then this week at school we saw someone in her sister's classroom doing some French Knitting, so a new interest was found!

We had a French knitting doll at home that we hadn't yet got out of the box, so that afternoon, out it came and with the help of a You Tube video to get us started we gave it a go!

It's such a simple craft to do, and our daughter (aged 8) took to it straight away, and it's now another thing that she can pick up and do bits of here and there when the mood takes her.  It's a great way for her to practice and improve her fine motor skills, and also her concentration!

We've almost got a piece long enough to make a multicoloured mouse with!  

We have a book from the library just now, that we'd got for crochet patterns for making cute creatures - but I noticed there were also patterns for making little animals from French knitting too!

It's a great book with all sorts of fun ideas for making cute little animals with wool!

If you don't have a French knitting doll - you can also make one with a toilet roll tube and lolly sticks! 

(see here for some good instructions)

Have you tried French knitting? Have your kids? What else can you make with these tubes of knitting?

Versing - is it a real word?

The first sentence above is correct - but what about the second one?

I don't like it - and when I hear my kids and others using this word like this it really bugs me. 

When I hear adults using it, it bugs me  even more!

I grew up in the UK, and don't ever remember hearing this expression there - but here in Australia I hear it all the time.  To my ears it just plain sounds wrong, but since I was hearing it so often, it made me wonder whether it really is wrong, or is it perhaps American English or another acceptable form?

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When I explored this word, I found that it seems to be currently acceptable 'slang'. So you won't find it in official dictionaries in this form, but it is widely used and understood.

I found an interesting 5 minute radio article about the use of the word 'versing' and learnt about 'back-formation' of words in the English language. This is a process by which new words are formed by removing or changing beginnings and endings. 

For example the word pea (the green vegetable) comes from the original word pease. The word pease is actually singular but it was seen as a plural because of the 's' at the end, and so the word 'pea' slowly became commonly used instead, until it became the accepted word for that small green vegetable!

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So - it would seem that we are currently in the midst of the formation of a new and acceptable verb : 'to verse'. 

From all accounts this word has been around for 30 years, originated in video games and is becoming more and more used and accepted. Maybe in another 30 years it will be in dictionaries and be the accepted norm!

So I guess I should move with the times and accept change, and just not let this simple little word bug me quite so much!!

I wonder who my daughters hockey team are versing this week........

Mastermind - a game of logic

Have you ever played this game?

Mastermind is a two person code-breaking game that was invented in the 1970s as a board game.  

The code-maker chooses a combination of 4 coloured pegs, and the code-breaker tries to guess this combination.  For each guess, white and red pegs are used to signify if the colours guessed are correct or not and in the right place or not. 

White means the right colour but the wrong position, 

Red means the right colour in the right position.

This game is similar to a much older paper and pencil game called 'Bulls and Cows". This time the code-maker writes down 4 single digit numbers and the code-breaker tries to guess this. Instead of coloured pegs, the words bulls and cows are used to tell the code-breaker which numbers are correct and in the right or wrong place. 

We used to have this board game when I was a child, and I remember enjoying playing it often with my brother or parents.    When I found the game in a charity shop here - I bought it and our girls now love playing it too!

I'd never heard of the paper and pencil version of this game - but love the idea that we can play this when we're out and about - perhaps waiting for something - with nothing more than paper and pencil which I always have with me !

You can of course play this game online.  I have the game as an app on my phone, and my girls have played it on there too. This of course is a way you can play it on your own - against the computer, if you don't have a friend with you!

This is a great game for developing and practicing logic and reasoning skills. Super simple and lots of fun!

What simple games do you and your kids like to play?

When are you pushing your kids too much?

Last year I wrote a post about pushy parents and after school sports. This provoked lots of comments and discussion. We as parents do believe that kids need to be pushed to an extent in order to grow and overcome their fears, doubts and sometimes laziness!

A year later, and this is still a topic that we are trying to find a balance in - just when you, think you've got it figured out, things change again.

Trying something new - it can be scary

Last term our youngest daughter decided to enter the inter-house chess competition at school.  She's great at just saying yes to trying new things. Being the younger sister does help her do this as there isn't that much that is totally new to her thanks to seeing and experiencing so much through her elder sister.

However, her older sister has never wanted to enter the chess competitions - even a day off school doesn't tempt her!  So having decided to join in, the day of the competition came, and our younger daughter was 'tired', 'grumpy', didn't want to go to school, 'nervous' and clearly regretting her decision to enter the unknown!

We didn't let her get out of it, and packed her off to school wishing her luck in her games, but feeling for her as I left her in her classroom with a sullen face - not at all like her!

It was worth the push

The end of the day came and when I picked her up from school she had a huge grin on her face, having had a wonderful day and coming home with a medal.  Her confidence is now much boosted, and hopefully this experience will help her continue to try new things in the future without needing the extra push from us!

Several weeks later, she was asked to join in another chess tournament, this time against other schools.  She happily joined in, encouraged some of her friends to join too and had a lovely day. Their 'team' did not win any ribbons or medals, but they had a lot of fun and said they would do it again.

Children need to be challenged 

I do feel that it's important for our children to be challenged. For them to experience moving out of their comfort zone, and pushing themselves to try new things and to improve on things they can already do.   It is also very important that they enjoy what they are doing.  

For after school sports and activities to be fun, they need to be doing them with friends, and also friends who are of a similar level and ability to them, so they can challenge each other.

Not too hard, not too easy, ahh just right!

Moving up through 'levels' in sports or other activities is another area which can be hard to get right.  You don't want your kids to be pushed to much too soon, and put in too high a level which could put them off. But at the same time it's frustrating to watch them in a group when they are not being challenged by any of their peers and as a result not having so much fun. Children often lose interest in things if they aren't being challenged sufficiently.  This is often seen in the classroom with behavioural issues that stem from kids being bored and under challenged.

Level changes can be daunting for kids, and teachers and coaches are often cautious about them, not wanting to scare off a child by moving them up too soon, or without their friends.  That's when it's important for the parents to have a discussion with the teachers and coaches to try to determine a solution, so the child doesn't get bored because they aren't challenged or scared off because they are challenged to much! It is often a case of what works with each child and their personality - there is no simple answer.

Sometimes the level the kids need to be in doesn't exist - but again, this is part of life - nothing is ever perfect, and kids have to learn to adapt and make the most of the opportunities that are there - choosing what is right for them personally.

Don't push ALL the time.

For all this wanting our kids to be challenged, for them to learn and grow, there are equally times when they just need to play and do their own thing.  To relax and let their brains have a rest and process the constant stream of new information coming in. 

It is important to find this balance. We don't want our kids to be lazy, but we don't want them to be overworked and stressed either.  Learning when your kid really is tired, rather than just lazy or nervous about doing something is tricky, but so important to try to figure out. 

As with everything, balance is the key.  Finding this balance is what we are constantly striving for in all areas of our lives. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't. We just have to learn from our mistakes and get on with trying to help our kids grow and learn in the best way we can.

Do you feel like you push your kids? Too much or perhaps too little?